When I crashed down, I froze in time.
Never have I ever thought it could hit me.
But yet it did.
It sneaked up from behind, creeping up my back,
and smashing me to the floor like an old, useless rag.
I took some weeks to gather my senses.
Not long enough to mend my soul.
But when you’re struggling to pay the rent and raise a child, you don’t have all the time in the world.
So I had to look for another way.
No long time-off, just for a while
To help me remember how to smile.
I looked for help, as much I could get
To get me back on track.
Bit by bit. Step by step. Day by day.
Who do I want to be? How should I be seen?
I just took my time, made my plans.
Starting small, dreaming big.
With every breath, every step taking the long way back.
Back to who I was before I burned out.
Making myself stronger despite all doubts.
To hold myself up and keep moving forward.
The feeling of weakness always trying to pull me down.
Get help from the doctors? Well, they’ve got no time!
So I took it on alone, this challenge of mine.
I found me a counsellor, fair and square.
She told me to keep going and I’d sure make it there.
She taught me new habits, attainable ones.
To make my to-do lists and plan my time.
To break down my tasks into very small steps
and take one at a time without any regrets.
And slowly I made it, my way back up.
Sometimes feeling helpless like a little pup.
But I kept going and I am going still
and someday I’ll be back on the top – I will!
For years now I’m fighting to be who I choose.
I keep getting better – some days I win, some days I lose.
But I will keep going, there’s no giving up.
Until I finally made it in the end …
… my long way back up.